Death Blow, Death by a Thousand Cuts or Brutal Honesty
This blog talks about relationships and how to respectfully acknowledge your own truth. It applies to intimate partnerships, friendships, family – anyone in your life.
There is a saying – ‘People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime’.
I believe in this. I also believe in soulmates, and I don’t mean in a romantic way – just people you are aligned to and connected very deeply.
I have had, and still have, quite a few in my life, they are the people I can show my soul to.
Intimate relationships and friendships are constantly changing. The epidemic magnified this – some people grew so close – like they had never been before. And others found it extremely challenging to be spending a lot more time with their partner or found new friends, it was different for everyone.
I have been married and was with a lovely man. It didn’t work out, but I was too young to understand relationships back then. They take serious work. And I have concluded now that the only relationships that really last once the children are out of the way, if applicable, are relationships where you have a shared dream. You also have to be fully whole in yourself to offer something significant to another person. I was when we met, but business and life got in the way and I forgot to remember who I was.
People appear when they are supposed to. I am so blessed right now with so many amazing people around me. It wasn’t always like that though. It has made such a positive expansion in me to find people I can connect with – in different ways.
Although I didn’t consciously look for this, I suddenly realised what I had been missing.
On the flip side some relationships have to end
When you clear things from your life, you create a vacuum that nature has to fill. Letting go of the old, dead wood, creates space for new energy to come into your life.
Here are some ways people extract themselves – for better or worse:
Everybody has some level of boundaries – but everybody aware of it or not has deal breakers. They are yours to define and decide - and it’s worth doing if you haven’t already.
When a deal breaker boundary is crossed, I call that a death blow. It doesn’t mean it’s ‘over’ right there, but it’s a sudden deep cutting wound that I would be interested to know if you can come back from.
Death By a Thousand Cuts
Relationships complicated by external/material factors can die but can be too difficult to walk away from. So a person stays, physically. Emotionally and mentally they could be anywhere. Although subtle, like a single paper cut, the hurt from continued disconnection evades the other person’s esteem, purpose, trust in their intuition and can create serious harm. Would you prefer a stab to the heart / instant death or slow, smiling torture? Life can sting hard, but the worst trauma is often caused by a long period of subtle neglect.
I get criticised for being too open and honest in life. But it’s the trait I am most proud of. Honesty in my book equals aiming towards personal integrity and delivered with kindness, is the highest gift you can give someone. Sometimes it has to be a little brutal, because the message you need to deliver cannot be distorted by the receiver’s mind, who is still slightly in dreamland and denial. It’s either yes/no, black/white, go/stop. But anyone you have connected with has been a gift to you in some way so, clear words combined with corresponding actions delivered with compassion is the kindest route to freedom and moving forwards. Without clarity, people can get trapped for years hoping… Or you can release them and they can move along and find another path.
Most relationships aren’t consciously started. And a lot don’t work in a certain way but do in others. Basically, they are hugely complicated. Isn’t that why we love them! And I don’t just mean intimate connections here, friends, contacts – everyone in your life adds and takes and the relationships waxes and wanes.
Most can be managed and transformed with integrity, but if something has to end, be kind, break entirely, don’t be afraid to hurt. It’s not in the long term a ‘crime’ to be blunt to disconnect, in my opinion. I have found most relationships of whatever kind can be transfigured over time. If you want them to.
Love on every level is about respect, honesty, putting effort in and ultimately sharing a part of your life with another. It is not about sex, money, kids, it’s just pure high frequency resonance. And also the depth of a relationship grows with time – that person is a witness to your life.
On a partnership level most people follow the get married, have 2.4 kids, get nice house, cars, dog and cat. It’s inbred. But as the poem below says (author unknown):
“You have a choice
Follow the map
Follow the paths
Follow the directions
Telling you where to go
Leave the map behind
Free your mind
Free your imagination
Spread your wings
This was given to me on my 40th by one of the most authentic people I have ever met. She always supported me.
Be in love with yourself, and with life. That’s the key to happiness. Other people are not there to complete you. They are your comprades for however long. When the mission is over, say both Sayonara and Namaste. Or fight for them.
If you have been lazy – taking your relationship for granted – consider working harder – refreshing it, initiate a new beginning. Everything is possible! Be happy.
Life is short. Make it good!
I just wanted to tell you that the friend Kathy H whom I was uncertain about actually sent me a text 5 minutes after we had finished talking!!!! So we must have energised the link!!! And your wisdom to help me learn more also is good. I'm meeting her on Saturday, and we'll have a coffee etc.
A beautiful and moving image now graces my wall: layers of vibrant colour alternatively reveal and conceal forms of significance, depicted with emotion and artistry. The abstract quality is such that it is a timeless piece I will always value and enjoy.
PH Shotley Suffolk
Growing up in China, I have always interested in Fengshui. As we were moving to Ipswich, I googled Fengshui consultant locally and that is how I found Rachel. I am so glad that we connected through the email initially. The house move took 9 months, Rachel was so patient, and she offered me advice through the process. I was so excited to meet her the day after we moved in. It provided us with a lot of comfort and guidiance at the new home. With her consultation, we had a much better understanding of the new space. Rachel is very intuitive, she did the dowsing, cleared the geopathic stress by using 'acupuncture'. The ritual she carried out involved all family member, so it was rather special. By using Fengshui principle and combined with our personal astrology, Rachel pointed out where the 'special corners' in our house, for example the wealth, relationship, friends and helpful people etc; She also helped us choose the interior colour, elemental accessories, positive symbolism in art works etc. I am so glad that I have found Rachel. It made us settle in and connect with our new home much quicker. The declutter has given us a much healthier space to live in. Whenever I feel disconnected with our home, I try to use some of the Fengshui she taught us to refresh and cleanse. I am so grateful that I contacted Rachel at the first place.
I asked for Rachels help with a young family member. They were having mental health issues which involved refusing to attend school, withdrawing from friendship groups and showing signs of psychosis. Rachel discussed with me her findings regarding her birth date and time in relation to her specialised work. Together we put a plan in place as I was to help. I carried out her recommendations. She stated that this time would come to an end this Spring and they would be through the part of the chart that was causing the chaos. I am so excited to report that they were again attending school until the lockdown. She is fully interacting with her family and is again part of her friendship group. Due to the lockdown and her now being well she is catching up with the school work she missed and will be ready to start again when the time comes. She is now off all medication which included ADHD and antidepressant prescription drugs. I cannot thank Rachel enough. If you are on the fence regarding her work, don’t be, it will be the best thing you could do for yourself and those you care for.
"Before I got in touch with Rachel, I was at a loss to know what to do. I had bought a flat to rent out in Ipswich, but it attracted the wrong types of tenants. The previous three tenants had either not paid their rent or had left the flat in a very bad state of repair, or both. In effect, I was just chucking money into a big black hole. I wanted to keep the flat, which I would eventually pass on to my son, but I still had the mortgage to pay. After reading about feng shui and the effect it can have, I was keen to find out more. I contacted Rachel and she explained what she intended to do and why. Admittedly, I was a bit sceptical at first, but I was keen to give it a go. Much to my amazement, after a six month rent void, that same week, a potential tenant turned up at the flat. The couple liked what they saw and moved in within two weeks. Much to my relief, they also paid the rent on time. I highly recommend Rachel to anyone in a similar situation."
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