Human Connection and Disconnection

Death Blow, Death by a Thousand Cuts or Brutal Honesty

This blog talks about relationships and how to respectfully acknowledge your own truth. It applies to intimate partnerships, friendships, family – anyone in your life.

There is a saying – ‘People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime’.

I believe in this. I also believe in soulmates, and I don’t mean in a romantic way – just people you are aligned to and connected very deeply.

I have had, and still have, quite a few in my life, they are the people I can show my soul to.

Intimate relationships and friendships are constantly changing. The epidemic magnified this – some people grew so close – like they had never been before. And others found it extremely challenging to be spending a lot more time with their partner or found new friends, it was different for everyone.

I have been married and was with a lovely man. It didn’t work out, but I was too young to understand relationships back then. They take serious work. And I have concluded now that the only relationships that really last once the children are out of the way, if applicable, are relationships where you have a shared dream. You also have to be fully whole in yourself to offer something significant to another person. I was when we met, but business and life got in the way and I forgot to remember who I was.

New relationships

People appear when they are supposed to. I am so blessed right now with so many amazing people around me. It wasn’t always like that though. It has made such a positive expansion in me to find people I can connect with – in different ways.

Although I didn’t consciously look for this, I suddenly realised what I had been missing.

On the flip side some relationships have to end

When you clear things from your life, you create a vacuum that nature has to fill. Letting go of the old, dead wood, creates space for new energy to come into your life.

Here are some ways people extract themselves – for better or worse:

Death Blow

Everybody has some level of boundaries – but everybody aware of it or not has deal breakers. They are yours to define and decide - and it’s worth doing if you haven’t already.

When a deal breaker boundary is crossed, I call that a death blow. It doesn’t mean it’s ‘over’ right there, but it’s a sudden deep cutting wound that I would be interested to know if you can come back from.

Death By a Thousand Cuts

Relationships complicated by external/material factors can die but can be too difficult to walk away from. So a person stays, physically. Emotionally and mentally they could be anywhere. Although subtle, like a single paper cut, the hurt from continued disconnection evades the other person’s esteem, purpose, trust in their intuition and can create serious harm. Would you prefer a stab to the heart / instant death or slow, smiling torture? Life can sting hard, but the worst trauma is often caused by a long period of subtle neglect.

Brutal Honesty

I get criticised for being too open and honest in life.  But it’s the trait I am most proud of. Honesty in my book equals aiming towards personal integrity and delivered with kindness, is the highest gift you can give someone. Sometimes it has to be a little brutal, because the message you need to deliver cannot be distorted by the receiver’s mind, who is still slightly in dreamland and denial. It’s either yes/no, black/white, go/stop. But anyone you have connected with has been a gift to you in some way so, clear words combined with corresponding actions delivered with compassion is the kindest route to freedom and moving forwards. Without clarity, people can get trapped for years hoping… Or you can release them and they can move along and find another path.

To conclude

Most relationships aren’t consciously started. And a lot don’t work in a certain way but do in others. Basically, they are hugely complicated. Isn’t that why we love them! And I don’t just mean intimate connections here, friends, contacts – everyone in your life adds and takes and the relationships waxes and wanes.

Most can be managed and transformed with integrity, but if something has to end, be kind, break entirely, don’t be afraid to hurt. It’s not in the long term a ‘crime’ to be blunt to disconnect, in my opinion. I have found most relationships of whatever kind can be transfigured over time. If you want them to.

Love on every level is about respect, honesty, putting effort in and ultimately sharing a part of your life with another. It is not about sex, money, kids, it’s just pure high frequency resonance. And also the depth of a relationship grows with time – that person is a witness to your life.

On a partnership level most people follow the get married, have 2.4 kids, get nice house, cars, dog and cat. It’s inbred. But as the poem below says (author unknown):

“You have a choice

Follow the map

Follow the paths

Follow the directions

Telling you where to go

Or

Chose to:

Break free

Leave the map behind

No limitations

No boundaries

Free your mind

Free your imagination

Spread your wings

And Fly”

This was given to me on my 40^th by one of the most authentic people I have ever met. She always supported me.

Be in love with yourself, and with life. That’s the key to happiness. Other people are not there to complete you. They are your comprades for however long. When the mission is over, say both Sayonara and Namaste. Or fight for them.

If you have been lazy – taking your relationship for granted – consider working harder – refreshing it, initiate a new beginning. Everything is possible! Be happy.

Life is short. Make it good!